This advice column offers opinions about the peskier aspects of working in the nonprofit sector.
Yes — women can be perpetrators of sexual harassment
To be blunt, my CEO is a hunk. I live for his gorgeous smile. Since he offices in another part of our building, I time my snacks and lunch for when I see him heading toward the kitchen. He always has a kind hello for me. Checking him out gets me through many a tedious work day.
I'm trying to get up the nerve to ask him for coffee or a drink after work. Some of my fellow female colleagues think it would be a mistake, but I'm not so sure. We're about the same age and we have similar interests. At the same time, what if he rejects me? And I don't want to leave this nonprofit — they do great work.
What do you think I should do?
Gary says ...
Run for the hills! What could you possibly be thinking? Mixing business and pleasure is a deadly combo. It's certainly fine to be an admirer. Acting on it in the way you describe is out of line. Fantasizing is the safest way to go, if you want to keep your job. Dream on, but don't make the career-ending mistake of acting on your temptation.
Kathryn says ...
Step down, my dear. If a man said the same type of things you're saying about his female boss, we'd all be outraged. You'd likely call him a sexist — and you would be right. So, I'm calling you out as a sexist — and I am right.
Your CEO isn't there for your sexual entertainment. It's creepy and objectifying. Because he's polite to you, you think it's OK to put him on the spot and ask him out. Do you do this to every good-looking man who says "hello" to you? You might consider counseling to learn about healthy relationships in the workplace (or perhaps any place).
In summary: this type of behavior isn't OK when men do it, and it isn't OK when women do it. Eat lunch at your desk if you can't control yourself. Please stop the sexist behavior. Today.
Now, your take!
Ruth says ... Don't do it! And find someone else - outside the office - to crush on NOW. If you do this and he turns you down, you've made future interactions extremely awkward. If you do it and he accepts, you've created a potentially disastrous situation for the future: If you get involved and then break up, one of you will be out the door, and it won't be the CEO. You've already created a problematic situation just by discussing this with co-workers.
Nigel says ... Not being a hunky boss myself, I consider myself indeed fortunate not to have had to deal with this situation in my workplace. I concur with the respondents. It is hugely complex and especially given the differentials in power and perceptions, it can only ever end in tears. Sometimes you can't help the people you fall in love with. In this case, my advice would be if you can't help yourself, leave the organization and pursue the relationship on an equal footing outside of the workplace.